Cultivating Your Child's Natural Curiosity: Should Be Easy, Right?

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As those of you who follow my Youtube Channel will know, yesterday I posted a video titled "Cultivating Your Child's Natural Curiosity" (see link below). In it I talked about the work of Alison Gopnik, internationally recognized leader in the study of child development and learning. Her book, "The Gardener and the Carpenter," has offered me some insight and inspiration for improving my life as a parent of three young children. She compares the role of parents to that of a gardener - i.e. someone who "cultivates" the environment in which we plant our children so that they can thrive and grow up to be healthy adults. That all sounds great, right? So, this cultivation shouldn't be too hard, should it? 

*Insert someone's sarcastic cough and a quiet "bullshit" here*

     

Yeah, right. Being a parent is hard. It is exhausting. It can make you angry. It can bring you to the brink of insanity or the precipice of depression. And it is absolutely beautiful! So how do we navigate this crazy landscape we call "parenting"? I'm glad you asked. Let's talk about it. 

     Now, before we go too far into this territory, let me offer a disclaimer - I am not an expert. I don't have a degree in child psychology. I am not a schoolteacher. I am not some parenting yogi or guru who will promise to transform your life in five sessions or your money back. But I do have five years of experience under my belt. As such, I think I have learned a few lessons worth sharing. Hell, I was even a kid myself once, so I at least know what it was like to be "parented." So let's get into it. 


Be Curious

     It stands to reason that if we want our kids to be curious humans, we need to be curious humans ourselves, right? Makes sense. Every kid who has ever lived was probably annoyed or angered when their parents gave them advice or directives that they themselves did not follow. I certainly experienced my share of those emotions, especially when I got into my twenties and began to realize that my Dad was not perfect (gasp!). So if we want to cultivate curiosity in our children, we need to cultivate it in ourselves. How do we do that? I have a few suggestions which I have found helpful: 


•Slow down and learn to pay attention to your environment (sights, sounds, behavior of humans, etc)


•Give body scan meditations a try (it will help you to be curious about your own body)


•Listen to the Radiolab podcast


•Watch the Ben Stiller film "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" (I am not joking; it will inspire you to explore the world)


•Learn to listen empathetically (this requires hanging out with real people in person and imagining what it’s like to be them as you listen)


Be Playful

    My kids love playing. Any chance they get (unless the TV is on) they will be playing. They play with blocks, and baby dolls, and action figures, and anthropomorphic plastic animals, and sand, and dirt, and random puddles...you get the idea. Play is important. According to Alison Gopnik (see a link to her TedTalk below), it is an important part of their development. They learn through playing. So get down on the ground and play with your kids. Or climb on the monkey bars. Or jump in a puddle. Start a dance party in the middle of the day (no alcohol allowed...at least not much). Just have fun! And if you need to see a chiropractor afterwards, I can recommend a good one. 


Be Okay with a Messy Room

     Ok. Enough. I can hear the protests now. "But mess stresses me out!" "But they need to learn responsibility!" "But cleanliness is next to godliness!" I get it. I am not suggesting you let your kids just run wild until they're 18. But relax a bit. Especially until they reach age 5. Alison Gopnik says that those first 5 years are critical in the development of a child's brain. They need the space to explore and to be curious. They need to be able to make a mess. And let's be honest - they are going to make a mess anyway, so don't kill yourself with constant, anxious cleaning. Try making a schedule for that. Get the kids involved. Make a game out of it if you can. You can even throw in a spoonful of sugar for good measure. ;-) But, please, for the sake of your children's future therapy budget, learn to relax a bit and let them "be kids." Maybe let yourself be a kid sometimes too. You might just enjoy it! 


Conclusion

    I think I have said enough for today. So I am going to finish this post with a bunch of links, because....internet. 


Peace to you, my fellow humans. Stay curious, and be healthy. 


Your friendly neighborhood nerd, 

                                                  Richard







Alison Gopnik's Website


Alison Gopnik's TedTalk


Krista Tippet of On Being Interviews Alison Gopnik

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